In the spring of 2014 I found out I was pregnant with twins. I have been documenting my journey weekly but haven’t posted anything here till now. I will be periodically posting these thoughts, starting from the beginning. This was written June 3, 2014.
Looking back it doesn’t seem quite as dramatic as it felt, but when I was in the middle of it, I was wrenched with anxiety. Last Thursday evening, I noticed I had started spotting, something that shouldn’t happen while you’re in your second trimester of being pregnant. I called the birthing center and they paged my on-call provider. I soon later got a call from Samantha Ryanearson, CNM and after I told her my situation, her calming voice eased my anxiety. She said I could go into the birthing center that night and have everything checked out, but because I wasn’t having heavy bleeding she didn’t think there was cause for alarm. I also wasn’t having any associated pains or cramps which would be cause for concern. I opted for an appointment first thing in the morning and tried my best to get some rest.
Nate was out of town on business, three time zones ahead of me. Without my rock, my struggle to keep calm was a losing battle. I was sure everything was fine but there’s just that sliver of doubt, the rising fear, the what ifs. Although I had been feeling the babies’ fluttering movements in recent days, I couldn’t say whether I’d felt any recently, and no matter how still i laid, I wasn’t getting anything from them to reassure me they were alive and well. That night was a long one with little sleep and too many google searches.
The next morning I went to my appointment, accompanied by my mom since Nate couldn’t come with me. After first taking my blood pressure, the nurse told me my blood pressure was high. I told her I wasn’t surprised and that I was a little tense. She asked if there was anything she could do to to help that and I quickly replied that she could check my babies’ heart beats. She proceeded, and found Baby A, and then Baby B. I had tears of joy after hearing both heartbeats. Relief! She checked my blood pressure again and it had gone down significantly.
Looking back I shouldn’t have worried so much, but I couldn’t help it. Despite every attempt to stay calm, I was terrified. I always thought I was good at staying calm in the face of stress or danger but it looks like I have a ways to go. This was the first time I had a good scare about my babies and I know in the coming years, there will be many more to come.
I was originally trying to decide whether or not to share this experience but decided maybe it will help someone else who goes through something similar. Spotting or bleeding while pregnant shouldn’t be ignored, but it’s also not always as serious as you might think. I’ve always loved this quote by Benjamin Franklin,
“Do not anticipate trouble, or worry about what may never happen. Keep in the Sunlight.” – Benjamin Franklin.
Following my appointment that day, with a grateful heart, I made sure to get some rest and now, life is back to normal. Next up, the gender reveal!!