In the spring of 2014 I found out I was pregnant with twins and started documenting my journey in a weekly post. I will be periodically posting these past writings, starting from the beginning. This was written November 9, 2014.
The babies are now over a month old and after over 4 weeks of sleeping on the couch and having these little guys practically glued to me, I’m constantly having to remind myself to practice the art of living in the present.
The other morning I managed to transfer a sleeping Karson to his rocker swing but shortly afterwards, I found myself getting frustrated that I couldn’t also get Lucy down to sleep. I was hoping to get a little time in which they would both be sleeping so I could get a couple things done.
But then it hit me. In the 20 minutes I might be lucky enough to get, what would I really be able to accomplish? Instead, I decided to just use that time to spend one on one with my little girl. I’m usually juggling both babies so having few minutes to just focus on one baby is pretty special.
The babies really don’t do much at this point. Sure they’re super cute to look at and I generally can’t stop staring at them but they’re still pretty much just little dolls that eat, cry and poop. We find ourselves saying, I can’t wait till they smile at us, and can play and talk and all those fun little things. It’s so easy to want to rush this, but when I’m holding their tiny little bodies snuggled up to mine, I have to remind myself that this right here, right now is what it’s all about. This time will be so short and right now they want me so badly and that’s a pretty great honor to have.
The 4th trimester is a term I hear coming up again and again. We humans are born utterly incapable of surviving on our own. We can’t walk or speak or feed ourselves. We are so dependent because we’re born too early. As a species, the human brain and thus head, is so large, we have to be born early enough while we can still make our way out of the birthing canal. We’re not quite ready for the outside world at that point but if we had much longer on the inside, we’d pretty much be stuck there. Only 9 months of gestation leaves us all a little premature.
So as I continue my 4th trimester with my babies, I will try my best not to rush it and honor what is needed from me. When I am tired and restless I will focus on the way Karson makes a tiny fist and presses it to his cheek when he sleeps or the little sounds Lucy grunts through her precious little lips. I’ll watch fondly as she shakes her arms and hands when she gets mad and continue my one way conversations with Karson as he stares blankly back at me. I’ll not think about how good my bed sounds and instead focus on the way Lucy nuzzles to get her little head under my chin when she’s laying on my chest.
These may be my only babies and since I’m dividing the time between the both of them, it’s like it’s going twice as fast. Yes, the dishwasher will eventually need emptying, but for now I’m choosing them and the ordinary but meaningful and important coddling that’s demanded of me. It’s a tough job but someone’s gotta do it.